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- Written by: Jack Clayton
Climbing Puns That Will Have You Rockfall-ing Down With Laughter
Maybe you’ve noticed already but, here on Mpora, we love puns. Skiing puns, snowboarding puns, travel puns, yoga puns, mountain biking puns; if it’s a pun and it’s got something to do with the topics we cover, we’re all over it. Until today though, and we can honestly barely believe we’re saying this, we’d never done a rundown of climbing puns. Don’t worry though. We’re here to right that wrong, here to make amends, here to make you want to unclip from your carabiners and jump off the face because you simply can’t go on living in a world where this qualifies as comedy. OK, that got dark. Anyway, puns.
1) There’s a new Star Wars film all about the Millenium Falcon being busted out of jail. Free Solo
2) You heard about the climber who burnt his hands cooking in an Australian’s garden. Yeah, he… “put another crimp on the barbie”
3) A giant reptile, now extinct, hurt himself attempting a climbing move. Dyno-sore
4) Got a voice-activated virtual assistant that loves free solo climbing. Alexa Honnold
5) The weak-armed climber phoned a call centre but was unable to hold the line
6) What’s Guns ‘n’ Roses’ favourite outdoor activity? Rock climbing
7) You seen the film where a load of aquatic reptiles take over a coastal Scottish city’s indoor climbing centre? Crux-odile Dundee
8) A climbing move ruined my family get together on the 25th of December. It was ‘The Pinch That Stole Christmas’
9) I had to give up climbing because my hands were made of a fine white powder. I could talk the talk, sure, but I couldn’t chalk the chalk
10) Got into the habit of playing soccer in the upper reaches. Highball bouldering, mate
11) Brought my diving gear to a climbing session but it turns out I’d massively misunderstood what deep water soloing is all about
12) Heard about port climbing? Yeah, you can only turn left (also, you’re on a boat)
13) Went up the face with a load of pencils in my pack. Lead climbing
14) My mouth is filled with rubble. Why? Because my dentist told me to choss my teeth daily
15) Covered the climbing wall with fruit preserves. Hand Jam
16) Caught so many fish climbing. My heel hook is something else
17) Whenever people see me climbing, they put their hands on their heart and sing the national anthem. It’s because of my flag leg
18) What type of climbing calls you on the phone but hangs up before you can answer? Bouldering-ring
19) What type of climbing calls you and leaves a voicemail if you don’t pick up? Bouldering-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring
20) What’s a rock climber’s favourite type of fish finger? El Capitan Birdseye, of course
21) Always finish my climbing sessions with a moment of unresolved jeopardy. I’m a cliffhanger
