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It’s often said that being a cyclist is being part of a culture. It defines not only how to spend your time but how you live your life. And apparently it also drives a lot of people to get ridiculous tattoos.
Now, not all of the tattoos featured in this gallery are absolutely awful. But some of them are pretty damn bad. Like ‘grotesque-fish-riding-a-biycle’ kind of bad – which is one of the worst kinds.
We’re all for inking yourself up with an image in honour of the bike – it may be your greatest love in life after all – but at least put a bit of thought into it first. You wouldn’t want to be stuck with some of these for the rest of your life…
Frogger
What’s the best thing about riding your bike? You can park it anywhere and it won’t get toad!
In all seriousness though, this one isn’t catastrophically bad. The frog looks like it could’ve done with a shower before getting on his bike though.
Skull-Crushing
Where to begin with this. It looks like something a seven-year-old child drew for their parents, but if that was the case, the parents probably would’ve crumbled it up and binned it right in the kid’s face.
The child probably wouldn’t have even cared either. He knew the drawing was shit anyway.
The Jens Voigt
This Jens Voigt-inspired tattoo is one of the best on the list. The “shut up legs” phrase is a legendary one, and it’s certainly better than a skull with wings and ridiculous glasses on. Even thinking about it makes me angry.
No Holds Barred
There’s one thing that seems to come to the forefront of my mind every time I look at this photo. It’s a question. What the hell was this person thinking?
Answers on a postcard. No prize for the winner, just a sizeable face palm from the team at Mpora.
The Constipated Bird
So it’s a bird riding a penny farthing. Obviously. Why wouldn’t you have this inked on you for the rest of your life? We can certainly think of a few reasons…
The best thing about this tat though has to be how disgruntled the bird looks. It’s either constipated or dangerously hungover.
Look No Hands
The design is kind of cool on this one, but that doesn’t answer the question of how the hell this girl has not fallen off her bike yet? Look at her riding position! Preposterous.
Seeing Double
Very artistic. Naked women and bikes. This tattoo makes sense.
Team Cow
Emm. Well. Yeah. I don’t think we really need to say anything about this one.
The Apple Advert
This philosophical effort by this keen cyclist definitely backfired. It looks like he’s an advert for a shit new Apple product.
The Devil Rides Bikes
So it’s a devil she-cat with giant breasts riding a mountain bike. What do you mean you never see her on the trails?
Nature's Cycles
This tattoo is tree-mendous! Actually wait. It’s awful. It’s about as bad as that pun I just made. WHO THINKS OF THESE THINGS?
Flying Bicycles
So more naked women and more bikes. This time the lady in question appears to be flying. Shouldn’t she be cycling?
Mutated Fish Cyclists
You might remember I mentioned a mutated-fish-bike tattoo in the introduction to this article. Well here it is. Oh dear.
We’re presuming that this was inspired by the quote: “A women needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” But couldn’t it have been a nicer fish? And a nicer bicycle?
Fairy Flight
Again, more flying and holding bikes aloft. It makes you wonder, do any of these people actually ride their bikes? Luckily this guy has the leg tan to prove his credentials.
Cycling Back
There are a couple of problems we can see with this one. It’s massive for a start, and it’s pretty bare. There’s not a lot going on. It’s like she forget to do the background when she was planning it all out.
Never mind though. Not as if it’s permanent…
Bare Bones
Don’t get distracted by the Bianchi. This one is actually pretty cool! Nicely done skeleton, nice little cycling cap on top. Good work Bianchi man. Good work.
The Tan Line
This tattoo is pretty run of the mill, but the tan line is the real reason it made the gallery. Look and laugh people. Look and laugh.
Le Rouleur
A rather colourful effort on another one that we kind of don’t mind. It’s pleasant enough to look at!
Skeleton Crew
What is it with weird people getting weird animals or skeletons to ride weird penny farthings? When did that become a thing?
Flying With Wings
Those are some mighty fine wings you’ve got their bud. Going to struggle to get down a downhill track with the weight of those things smashing off trees on the way down.
The Hipster
He’s definitely about to crash. Definitely. And it serves him right. Hipster.
I Don't Even Know
Make of this one what you will. Seriously. Because I have no idea what’s going on.
The Cog Stamp
I’m sure there’s a name for tattoos a bit like this. It’s got something to do with a stamp, but I can’t quite remember.
Creativity Overload
Another day, another skeleton riding a bike. Pair that with the ‘bike’ sign just above it, and this is probably one of the least original tattoos of all time. I’m sure he likes it though.
Skeleton Fire
Really Mpora? Another tattoo of a skeleton riding a bike? Aren’t there any other designs out there? Unfortunately, the answer seems to be no.
Also, would the skeleton be effected by all that fire? I’m not sure if the undead feel pain.
The Winged Rider
Another winged effort for the gallery. These time the wings are a bit smaller so he might just be able to sneak through those trees and ride downhill. He could also definitely cheat when he hits an uphill in a road race.
Inspiration
When you look into this one, it’s actually pretty cool. A lot of effort went into the planning and the execution. The only downside is that if you just skim over it, it looks a little bit like something you’d see scribbled on a wall at an abandoned insane asylum from a 1960s horror movie. Hmm.
The DNA
See what he’s done there? Combined the chain with his DNA to make it look like cycling is built into his body! Better than some but it’s still not great.
The Painting
This would look great on a canvas hung up in your living room, but we’re not so sure about packing it onto your arm.
Chain Trust
He’s clearly never snapped a chain while you’re halfway through a session.
What’s the best thing about riding your bike? You can park it anywhere and it won’t get toad!
In all seriousness though, this one isn’t catastrophically bad. The frog looks like it could’ve done with a shower before getting on his bike though.
Where to begin with this. It looks like something a seven-year-old child drew for their parents, but if that was the case, the parents probably would’ve crumbled it up and binned it right in the kid’s face.
The child probably wouldn’t have even cared either. He knew the drawing was shit anyway.
This Jens Voigt-inspired tattoo is one of the best on the list. The “shut up legs” phrase is a legendary one, and it’s certainly better than a skull with wings and ridiculous glasses on. Even thinking about it makes me angry.
There’s one thing that seems to come to the forefront of my mind every time I look at this photo. It’s a question. What the hell was this person thinking?
Answers on a postcard. No prize for the winner, just a sizeable face palm from the team at Mpora.
So it’s a bird riding a penny farthing. Obviously. Why wouldn’t you have this inked on you for the rest of your life? We can certainly think of a few reasons…
The best thing about this tat though has to be how disgruntled the bird looks. It’s either constipated or dangerously hungover.
The design is kind of cool on this one, but that doesn’t answer the question of how the hell this girl has not fallen off her bike yet? Look at her riding position! Preposterous.
Very artistic. Naked women and bikes. This tattoo makes sense.
Emm. Well. Yeah. I don’t think we really need to say anything about this one.
This philosophical effort by this keen cyclist definitely backfired. It looks like he’s an advert for a shit new Apple product.
This tattoo is tree-mendous! Actually wait. It’s awful. It’s about as bad as that pun I just made. WHO THINKS OF THESE THINGS?
So more naked women and more bikes. This time the lady in question appears to be flying. Shouldn’t she be cycling?
You might remember I mentioned a mutated-fish-bike tattoo in the introduction to this article. Well here it is. Oh dear.
We’re presuming that this was inspired by the quote: “A women needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” But couldn’t it have been a nicer fish? And a nicer bicycle?
Again, more flying and holding bikes aloft. It makes you wonder, do any of these people actually ride their bikes? Luckily this guy has the leg tan to prove his credentials.
There are a couple of problems we can see with this one. It’s massive for a start, and it’s pretty bare. There’s not a lot going on. It’s like she forget to do the background when she was planning it all out.
Never mind though. Not as if it’s permanent…
Don’t get distracted by the Bianchi. This one is actually pretty cool! Nicely done skeleton, nice little cycling cap on top. Good work Bianchi man. Good work.
This tattoo is pretty run of the mill, but the tan line is the real reason it made the gallery. Look and laugh people. Look and laugh.
A rather colourful effort on another one that we kind of don’t mind. It’s pleasant enough to look at!
What is it with weird people getting weird animals or skeletons to ride weird penny farthings? When did that become a thing?
Those are some mighty fine wings you’ve got their bud. Going to struggle to get down a downhill track with the weight of those things smashing off trees on the way down.
He’s definitely about to crash. Definitely. And it serves him right. Hipster.
Make of this one what you will. Seriously. Because I have no idea what’s going on.
I’m sure there’s a name for tattoos a bit like this. It’s got something to do with a stamp, but I can’t quite remember.
Another day, another skeleton riding a bike. Pair that with the ‘bike’ sign just above it, and this is probably one of the least original tattoos of all time. I’m sure he likes it though.
Really Mpora? Another tattoo of a skeleton riding a bike? Aren’t there any other designs out there? Unfortunately, the answer seems to be no.
Also, would the skeleton be effected by all that fire? I’m not sure if the undead feel pain.
Another winged effort for the gallery. These time the wings are a bit smaller so he might just be able to sneak through those trees and ride downhill. He could also definitely cheat when he hits an uphill in a road race.
When you look into this one, it’s actually pretty cool. A lot of effort went into the planning and the execution. The only downside is that if you just skim over it, it looks a little bit like something you’d see scribbled on a wall at an abandoned insane asylum from a 1960s horror movie. Hmm.
See what he’s done there? Combined the chain with his DNA to make it look like cycling is built into his body! Better than some but it’s still not great.
This would look great on a canvas hung up in your living room, but we’re not so sure about packing it onto your arm.
He’s clearly never snapped a chain while you’re halfway through a session.
