Why Are Thousands of Japanese Women Falling In Love With A Gorilla?

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Written by: James Renhard

Last Updated: 30 Jun 2015

When we heard reports of women in Japan falling over themselves to perv on a Gorilla, initially we thought something must have been lost in translation. Maybe 'Gorilla' is a Japanese idiom, referring to a particularly attractive human being. But no, it turns out that the thing melting hearts in Japan is Shabani, an 18 year old silverback Gorilla. And, at risk of being called weirdoes, we can kind of see why. He's one dreamy hunk of monkey. The Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Nagoya, some 200 miles east of Tokyo, where Shabani lives has been inundated with admirers coming to take a look at the gorgeous beast. And it's not hard too see why. Here he is in some text-book poses. Brace yourselves...

1. Contemplating The Loss Of Childhood Innocence

Or scratching his arse on the quiet.  

2. Thinking About The Quiet Dignity Of Elderly Charity Workers In Supermarkets

Or getting as high as fuck by sniffing some wacky leaf.  

3. Troubled By An Increasingly Fractious Social Ideology

Or checking out the backside of a passing lady Gorilla, the cheeky misogynist.  

4. Pondering The Gap Between Rich And The Starving Class

Or discovering what vegetables feel best when rubbed on the testicles.  

5. Troubled By The Advances in Medical Progress Based On The Findings Of Unethical Practitioners From History

Or shaking his foot with his hand, the bendy weirdo.  

6. Wondering Where The Greek Economic Crisis Will Leave Europe

Or putting all his weight on one arm in a bid to try a solo-manoeuvre he calls "The Stranger".  

7. Angered By The Readiness Of Broadcast Media To To Interview Radical Hate Groups Who Disapprove When Governments Pass Liberal Laws That Benefit Society as A Whole

Or picking the KFC he had for lunch out of his beard.  

8. Meditating On The Difficult Social Narrative Deeply Intertwined Within The Plot Of 90's Action Movie Demolition Man And How It Can Be Applicable To The Modern Day Developed World

Or eating a banana, the cliche-ridden swine.  

9. Looking Cooler Than Paul Newman On Cool Bastard Night

Yep, nailed it.